Suddenly, I want to change my mind...to stay home with my family.
Suddenly, I just want to say, "Never mind! I was just kidding! I don't really want to go!"
But I can't. I know this is what is best for my sweet girl.
Suddenly, for the first time in quite a while, I am angry. Angry that Clara has to suffer. Angry that the spirit that is inside my little girl is held back by the limitations of her physical body. And selfishly, that the only family vacations we seem to have revolve around a hospital visit or doctor's appointment. Would it be too much to ask to have a normal vacation like normal families? You know...like...to go to the beach? Or an amusement park? Or somewhere fun?
But that is not the life we have been given for now, and somehow in the midst of all of this, we have to focus on One. The One who created us....created our beautiful girl....and trust that He knows best. Trust that, somehow, this whole situation will serve to sanctify us...especially Clara.
Tonight, as I am finishing up packing, I have had a few minutes to stop for the first time all week, and that's when these sort of thought start taking over. Realizing how much I am giong to miss Jeff and my other three girls, and how long a week really is when you're trapped inside a hospital with a precious, and very talkative, six year-old. The realization that Clara is going to suffer....some more...albeit for a good cause.
My hope is still that we will get answers and a treatment plan that will work to get her our of pain and get her body growing normally. Ultimately, my hope is in the Lord. I know He never makes mistakes. He has allowed this, and He has also provided everything we need to take care of Clara.
I am especially thankful for our family and friends we love so much who have helped us, prayed for us, and loved us. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Please continue to pray for us this week...Clara and me at the hospital, and Jeff and the girls at home. Thankfully, Clara is mostly excited. She is excited about flying in an airplane, and after a shopping trip with Grandma Jackie, she is well-equipped with cute pajamas for herself AND her Bitty Twin. She and I also worked together to sew a hospital gown for Katie (her baby), complete with a Shriner's Hospital logo iron-on....and those are the things that were packed first. Ya know...a girl has to have her priorities. :-)
I am hoping to update my blog each day...maybe even with pictures (if I can figure out how to do that on a different computer.). We have some sweet friends at church who have loaned us their laptop, so it should be much easier than having to leave Clara to go to the computer room.
Thanks again for everyone who has played a part in this trip. We love you so very much.