About two weeks ago,I attended a conference for Children's Choir Leadership. Usually I really love these conferences and look forward to them. However, upon arriving at this one, I must confess, I really did not want to be there. Life was weighing so heavy on me, I just wanted to go home and crawl under my covers. Clara's surgery was quickly approaching and I was still not sure how we were going to come up with the enormous amount of money they wanted up-front. I had some friends going through some hard times, and while I would never have NOT been there for them, it had really taken a toll on me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The situation with our house had become so frustrating I was beginning to doubt it all. I never planned to have a daughter with a muscle disorder. I never planned for my friends to go through such a hard time, and I certainly never planned for it to take this long for us to get to Michigan. I was struggling with God. Why would He call us to this ministry we love so very much and are so passionate about, provide the means to go, and then keep us here for this long? Why did the market have to crash just as we were planning to sell? Why didn't He lay it on our hearts to sell in the beginning of our journey like He had for other people?
On the first evening of our conference, there was a worship service. I must confess, I really thought about skipping out and just going to the hotel. I just didn't feel like dealing with it. However, God, in His infinite wisdom, made sure I had already made arrangements to ride to the hotel with a friend and she was going to the service, so I was stuck. As I walked into the service, I slid into a very back pew, and what followed was amazing. The conference was for all aspects of music ministry and the worship service was a sampling of all of that. Camp Kirkland was there with an orchestra; there was a big choir; an artist painted a beautiful depiction of the Crucifixion of Christ as the music played; we sang hymns; we sang praise and worship music; there was drama, and on and on it went. But the most remarkable thing was a group that came to sing. I had never heard of them, but I love to hear a group of men singing a capella. They were called This Hope. I was already caught up in their music when they began to tell an amazing story. The story was about a man named Nicolae Moldoveanu they met in Romania on a recent mission trip. He was a hymn writer during the 1950's when communism was at an all time high in his country. The government told him that if he didn't stop writing hymns, they would put him in prison. Well, he didn't, and they did, and even while in prison, he wrote over 360 hymns! :-) Isn't God great? At the time of their meeting, he had volumes upon volumes of hymns on his shelves that are still being sung there to this day. He never planned for the government to interfere with his calling to write for the Lord, and he surely didn't plan to leave his wife and baby son to go to prison. But God was so faithful to him. He protected him and brought him back home safely. He even made sure he was able to continue to fulfill his calling while in the prison, in the worst of circumstances. This just really spoke to me. They wrote a song about him called "Break My Plans". While they sang, God reminded me of Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord. A plan to prosper you and not to harm you and to give you a hope for the future. He didn't promise to let us in on His plan, but I take so much comfort in knowing that HE knows where I am going and He will be with me. That is one plan I do not need to make. Quite the opposite...I need to get out of His way!!! And so, right now, we are waiting. We are waiting on a diagnosis for our sweet Clara, but we know that whatever that diagnosis may be, God already knows and has her in His loving arms. We still know He has our perfect buyer. Who knows, maybe He has us here to raise more support for Clara's care, maybe He has other ministry for us here.....it doesn't matter. He has us here for a reason, and HE knows what it is, so I don't have to. Thank you, Lord!
I have posted the video here for you to enjoy, if you wish. I pray it speaks to you the way it did to me.
Break my plans.
Shape my heart.
Take my will to where You are.
Build my mind through Your Word,
Till all that I am lives to love you, Lord.